Last night it was really hot in Sam/Sarah’s room so I drank a lot of water. And then I realized I had to go to the bathroom. So I got up and went to the bathroom. But when I came back Sam’s legs were blocking my passage and I couldnt get back into bed. So there was a good amount of time of me just looking at her positioning and then trying to find a way and then I finally tried and she just whispered “youre really bad at this”

the little shit was awake the whole time

the other day I was walking down the street and I saw a bald man who was combing his hairs while looking at his reflection in a farmer’s market window and I just wanted to get a chair, sit down, and just look at this guy

jimbertimber:

coming out to your parents by saying swiggity swag guess whos a fag

(via themadcat)

bigstupidbaby:

personally i feel like romeo and juliet could have handled the situation better 

(via i-am-desert-flower)

gothlolita:

im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names

(via ahrealmonsters)

my hair is so messy right now I look like I came out of a Green Day fan’s wet dream